sooo much STUFF has happened to me since my last post.

i will have to write later when i have time. first off i am at university of the pacific and i am LOVING it!!!! i'm very involved in the shows here... i performed romeo and juliet as the nurse and now i am in the process of doing 2 shows: the theatre fraternity's show and the play, blue window!!! i love all the theatre people here and the teachers... it's such a welcoming atmosphere. :)

i love it that i am busy in rehearsals and performing. it's exactly what i wanted!

i want to get into more details later for i have to go to spanish class... ughhhh... my hardest class ever. anyways, more later!

sooo almost there for xmas break!!!!

sooo here is zee list of colleges i am applying/have applied to:

1.) University of the Pacific + already applied
2.) Saint Mary's + already applied
3.) Sonoma State
4.) San Jose State
5.) Long Beach State

i am also looking into conservatories like AADA and AMDA.


i feel accomplished after having applied to 2 private universities already. now, i will have the state schools to worry about in another month.

acting life: i have auditioned to 3 different things and i recently performed the pyt alumni show singing, "maybe this time" from cabaret. the 2 semi-professional musicals i auditioned for... i did not get in but i am so happy to have the opportunity to do it! i will be sure to search for more places to audition. the third thing i auditioned for was a student-run production of the play "hedda gabler." this one i know for sure i will be a part of and i am soooo excited!!! i have no idea what part i have yet... but i am so glad to finally perform a richly plotted play with great characters! it's been awhile since i have done a full length play.

i am so eagerly waiting to know my college acceptances already! can you call impatient much? so far, surprisingly saint mary's is my top choice! i love that the school is very small and that the theater program itself is intimate, well-rounded, and the school provides an array of opportunities to improve in other areas such as dance and singing. also, i will have special attention since the number of theater students is so low.

i am soo excited about what life is offering me now. also, i have high positivity in eric and i. we are doing great with the long distance and i cannot wait to see him when he visits/when i visit! of course i miss him, but also i am so busy doing all my auditions and applying that it makes me not think of him too much, which is a good thing. i gotta keep focused and balance everything! and so far... i think i am doing a stellar job.

Well, I should be finishing up my history notes but I have a sudden urge to write out my thoughts. If I do not I will just end up thinking and thinking about it while I sleep tonight. So here it goes.

Earlier tonight, my friends Meg and Kadi were talking about how their dream job used to become an "actress." However, I said out loud, "I want to be an actress." [In actuality, I am one. I do not need to become one... I have been one since I was in 5th grade!] Even though one decided to not audition for the BFA program and the other did not make it, they decided to do other career paths. Whereas for me, even though I did not get accepted, I am still pursuing acting. Theatre really is what makes me the happiest and no one is going to change that about me.

This further displays how my love for acting is so strong. Even with no acting classes at the moment and no "big time" show I am in... I am still have a strong passion. I am still acting. I am in a challenging and exciting one act and I am looking around for other theatre companies to audition for. Recently I auditioned for Summer Rep. I am hungry for an audition, an acting class, and to be able to perform on whatever stage.

I know big things will happen for me. It's going to take some time...maybe years. But I am looking forward to it.

All I want to do is keep acting, keep singing, keep performing.... I want to give and show my talent. I have a lot to offer. I am not done. Of course I get frustrated and sometimes feel like things are hopeless... but what does not change is that I am not giving up. Never, ever.

What Kadi and Meg do not have is the intense passion, commitment, and dedication to the craft and performance of acting. I got it.

As what Barb said to me, "You are that one percent."

*stage makeup MW 9-11:30 a.m
*dance 101 MWF 12-12:50 p.m
*history 110B TR 8:30-9:45 a.m
*biology 101 TR 10-11:15 a.m
*crew

i'm excited for the rest of my 2nd year in college. 2009 is a year of change for me. it's a year about starting to take "action" to really DO the things i WANT to do. i'll be auditioning for other theatre companies and finally get into the shows i deserve. the world needs an alison koch. well, at least... the theatre world anyway. no matter how big or small.

:]

It just hit me when I woke up today from my home that it is officially summer. I am done being a freshman in college!

Tonight my brother is going to prom! Aww makes me think back a year ago when I went to prom. One of my most memorable nights in high school.

I cannot wait 'till all my high school friends come back home! Basically, this summer is gonna rock.

2 DAYS LEFT!!!!

I leave on friday night by a train ride. I'll be back home at 4AM!!! Man, I am going to be exhausted and tired.

I'm just so close from not being a freshman in college anymore!!!

Now that I think about it. I am going to have a very busy summer.

*PYT Alumni show
*PYT's All Shook Up
*2 online GE courses (anthropology and geography)
*major play readings/song findings for next semester's main stage shows!!!

I feel very happy. I am really going to miss being in Fullerton when I come back home for the summer. I am actually very excited for next semester as a sophomore. Just these last couple of months here have made me realize how little time left I have here to spend time with my friends. Hopefully a couple people who have said that they will come visit will do that. :]

Ugh. I have so much work to do this weekend. Time for me to finish up Stagecraft final project, get started on majorally revising the argumentation term paper, and figuring out what I'm going to do for the clowning performance.

I'm going to end this journal entry by this: Last night was amazing. I wish it did not end. I still feel giddy. :]

I am SO stressed!!! I feel like I have a million things to do at once and I really need to organize each day what I have to do. I felt a little bit productive today but I need to do that everyday. All I think of right now is summer. I want freedom and I want to perform and I want to hangout with people without thinking about doing homework. One thing for sure is that I will definitely miss my friends here in Fullerton! I really will! :( I feel like there is no time left for fun now since that finals are coming up and everything.

I need to take one step at a time and believe in myself.

I can do this.

The first two months of the 2nd semester were not so great... I was so depressed. That was when I realized that the birth control pills were part of the problem. Then once I stopped taking them, all of a sudden my college life got exceedingly better! I made a very close friend and made more friends - especially in the guy department. I have two guys who like me or at least interested in me. I've been hanging out with Cruz and Ric. They are really decent guys who are pretty similar too. Cruz is the actor, very creative, philosophical, and smart. Ric is the director, he has excellent taste in movies and music, he's a sweetheart, and smart. It's like God brought these two nice gentlemen to my life for a reason. Thank you, God! :] And my feelings towards Alan... of course I will always love him and have those feelings... but my feelings towards him from the past is completely toned down. I do not think about him constantly anymore. I'm moving on. I am looking forward and seeing where I will be with Cruz and Ric. Will they be good friends of mine or will one of them take the extra step? Who knows! I do like both of them. :]

The close friend I am having here in Fullerton is Megan! I love her so much. We instantly clicked and now we hang out all the time! She is also from NorCal, specifically in Stockton which is not so far from me! She and I are almost like the same person. It is ridiculous. Seriously, she and I are soul mates. Other friends i'm close with are Margaret and Nicole. Other guy friends: Tyler, Endy, and James.

Already, i'm bonding with amazing people! Finally I feel like I belong. I actually feel like I do not want to leave for the summer just because of the amazing friends i've been making. There are going to be big changes next semester for me. I WILL find nearby community theatres to audition for just in case the bozo directors from Fullerton do not pick me to be in their main stage shows or the 10 minutes/one acts. I definitely have the talent. Just finally give me a chance to show my full potential here! I think that is the only frustrating thing being a theatre major in Cal State Fullerton. But then again i'm a freshman. But then STILL... come on... I have just as much experience and talent as the people who have the BFA degree.

Anyways, i'm definitely staying here next semester for sure. It is pretty weird how my freshman year in college is almost at its end.

As I avoid doing my homework I totally see how unmotivated I am doing my homework.

AND I HATE IT!!!!!

I want to finish my work now. And yet, I tell to myself that i'll do it later. Also, when I do not understand material... I do not ask questions or read the material again to understand it more. Where is the hardworking student in me? All I care right now in my brain is acting, friends, and family. All three are in my mind constantly. I hate doing my GE classes. They bore me and yet I still do my work. I hate being lazy and procrastinating.

Positive things in my life: Starting to crew Midsummer starts TOMORROW NIGHT! Rehearsals for Infant Morality... no idea but I hope soon! I feel like my performing talents have definitely made my semester a big PLUS! I got lots of call backs from the One Acts and 10 Minute plays. I got into a 10 minute play and just recently I heard from one student director that I am in one scene of his. YAY!

I'm getting to know new people and I hope to make those aquaintances as closer potential friends.

I also am valuing the few close friends that I still keep in touch with that touch me. I miss them so much and I want them with me. Fortunately, I will see Alan in 3 weeks! I miss him so much. Talking on the phone with him tonight made me miss him even more. :(

I miss my family too. So so much.

Also, Stephen Sondheim is my husband. ;)

I want a boyfriend. Seriously, it's been way too long since I have been offical with someone. It's either been half way there but not really. There's guys who really like me/attracted to me but they do not want to be in a commitment.

I want that special someone. Who wants me, cares for me, and loves me for who I am.

I want to cuddle with a guy and go out with him. Hold hands, kiss, and laugh with someone.

Well, i'm sorta seeing this guy but I haven't seen him in a couple of weeks. Ehh.

Otherwise, X-MAS break is coming up real FAST!!!!! SOOOO stoked!

I feel so much happier now. During my wonderful Thanksgiving break at home, I figured how much acting is more of my core passion rather than being a musical theatre major. Acting is more of my passion. So therefore I am changing my emphasis to acting! Starting tomorrow it will happen. I feel so much happier about this. I won't feel stressed because this is what I REALLY want to do. This doesn't mean i'll never do musical theatre, I totally will. But what it really comes down to it is that I want to be an actor in the profession and perhaps get a gig in television and film.

classes so far for the next semester: (it will be finalized when i talk to my advisor tomorrow!)

*voice/movement B
*math 30B
*theatre 110
*essentials of argumentation
*probably another GE?? another theatre related class??
*crew (not really a class...)

soooo yeah. definitley love the work load so far now.

oh dang. fall semester is ending.....and auditions are THIS WEEKEND!!!!

Tomorrow is the BIG day!!!!! UCSD here I come!!!!!!!!

YESSSS.

I'm finally in a real adventure and i'm so freakin' excited, ecstatic, and relieved!!!

:)

And next week I go back HOME!!!!!!


Life is really good.

"Never fuck up a good relationship....you won't now how much you'll miss it till it's gone."

*sigh*





10 days left 'till San Diego!!!

17 days left 'till I go back HOME!!!

I find myself exactly what that title says. I'm longing to see my friends and family. I'm waiting to visit Alan (12 days!!!!) and my family and friends for thanksgiving break. I just want to go back home and see everything familiar again for once. I want to come back to the people who know me and love me. I need to feel like I belong. Right now I don't really. I'm a freshman in college figuring out everything....learning new things...meeting new people...i'm still in this transition mode.

Just once. I want to get out and be with someone who loves and care for me.

Just 12 more days.... :)

And 2 weeks 'till I get home.... :)

Oh, and I just have to say. I can act and sing just as amazingly as these other CSUF actors and musical theatre people. I got talent. They just don't know it.

Okay. After this week, I am going to be one EXTREMELY happy girl! Last midterms week. I have acting, ballet, and voice&movement. Wish me luck!!! I am so going to rock this week and do well! I cannot do badly. And when after all of that is over...my mommy is going to visit me on saturday and i'm going to spend the whole day with her!!! I'm so excited!!!

also...

4 weeks 'till Thanksgiving Break!!!

3 weeks 'till San Diego!!!

Why do I keep thinking about him?

Why do I keep missing him?

Why do I imagine he's with me and talking to me?

Why do I love him so much?

But i'm not not IN love with him.

Am I?

*sigh*

I hate being distracted. Do YOUR WORK NOW ALISON!!! I just cried today. Why in the hell am I crying so much here?

This weekend was definitley amazing.

Friday:

*I found out the bus time scheduales!
*Went out to dinner at downtown Fullerton with Kadi where our very cute waiter told me I looked like Neve Campbell and asked for my phone number
*We got lost taking the bus

Saturday:

*Waiter guy called me
*I hung out with Sarah Benjamin at Irvine and Newport Beach
*I finally bought my San Diego amtrak tickets!


Yuuup. Twas amazing.

4 weeks 'till I go to San Diego
5 weeks 'till Thanksgiving break

I cannot wait. :D

Today was definitley a mood swing day. I was so happy and excited for Alan to visit me. When he finally came it was a wonderful feeling. He gave me a cookbook for my birthday gift. I have a strong feeling we will for sure remain the great friends we are for a long time. But however, after math class I felt like I wanted to cry. All of a sudden, with Alan's visit it made me miss my friends and being homesick because of them. I sometimes feel lonely here. There's really not alot of people i'm completely close with except for my suite mates. I think the only person i'm the closest with is Kadi. I wish I could be more close to my theatre classmates. It's just so difficult when there's sooo many of them!! Anyway, after all my classes and had dinner...as I looked at pictures of my friends from facebook, I started to really cry. Tears were streaming down my face as I thought of the good times. I was crying, my back is hurting, on my period, and I have a flippin headache. It pretty much sucks. But now I feel better. See how amusing how my mood swings are? Well, until tomorrow let's see how my moods will take me next time....good night!

I am going to be nineteen in six days!

Pretty cool, huh?

I still miss my friends back home.